“She’s not very good at listening to their boundaries”: Woman tries to force stepchildren to love her, their bio mom gets involved and shames her ex’s new wife for her behavior

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Mar 18, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. Getting a divorce is one of the most stressful things a person can go through. Not only do you lose your partner, your spouse, but you also lose your belongings, the life you once knew, and your home. When you have children this becomes even more of a hassle when you're forced to take your kids to the court and decide on custody. Everyone wants the children for themselves, and things often work out in the woman's favor. Of course, every situation is different. 

It's not easy for the children either. Who wants to live out of a suitcase, bringing their clothes and belongings back and forth to houses. A better system would be that the parent is the one who has to pack a bag and bring it to the home that their kids live in, but of course this is probably a situation that will never happen. But regardless, kids don't want to pick between parents, they don't want to pack their bags every week, and they don't want to see their parent with someone else. 

In the story below, the protagonist is a woman whose ex husband remarried. His new wife doesn't have the best boundaries, creating issues in their relationship. 

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  • 01

    AITA for dismissing my ex's wife and telling her I don't care what she wants?

    "She tries to force hugs"
    via Zurijeta / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I have two children (11 and 10) with my ex-husband. We divorced on not so great terms. Mostly due to his job which is relevant to now. About a year into our six year marriage he changed jobs. It wasn't a huge deal at first and he was honest that it required him to work out of town once a month which wasn't too bad. One night
    via u/SpiritedDog7126
  • 03
    of him being gone was fine. But then he accepted a job change which acted as a promotion but not a direct promotion. This job he took without telling me and it required more travel. I told him I wasn't okay with being left like that for who knows how long. I said if he didn't dedicate time to our family or took another so called promotion like this without
    via u/SpiritedDog7126
  • 04
    talking it over with me first I was done with our marriage. By the time I was pregnant with our second child he did the same thing again and I followed through.
    via u/SpiritedDog7126
  • 05
    I moved out and took our oldest with me. The house was his from before our marriage so it wasn't a marital asset and I didn't fight him on that. But during our divorce (when our second child was several months old) he acknowledged in court that he had chosen to take a different position again that would see him out of town on a regular basis
    via u/SpiritedDog7126
  • 06
    could be gone anywhere from 2 to 3 weeks a month. This was what ultimately led to him getting one to two weekends a month depending on his work schedule. But only if he has the kids. If he's home during any school breaks he can have them then. But only for as long as he is home.
    via u/SpiritedDog7126
  • 07
    This worked in some way until he remarried. His wife was constantly saying custody could be 50-50 now and the kids would be with her and I refused to entertain that idea. If they weren't going to see their dad they weren't going to his house.
    via u/SpiritedDog7126
  • 08
    Now she and my ex have a child together, a baby who can't be more than six months old, and she's relentless about having the kids at her house more. She uses the app my ex and I use for communication to request time. She tried to impersonate my ex but a letter from my lawyer quickly put a stop to that. So now she's upfront that she wants the
    via u/SpiritedDog7126
  • 09
    kids there more. She said when the kids are at her house they act like strangers. I think it makes sense since that's what they basically are. Their dad is one too. My kids don't like their dad's wife. She makes them uncomfortable because she's not very good at listening to their boundaries on personal space (she tries to force hugs) and because she's
    via u/SpiritedDog7126
  • 10
    repeatedly told them they could call her mom or ma if they'd like.
    via u/SpiritedDog7126
  • 11
    Now my ex's wife is using her child as a reason the kids should be there 50% of the time. She wrote out this lengthy email to me about all her reasons why she feels it would be in the best interest of the kids. I replied with no and left it at that. She found this dismissive and confronted me in person to tell me that. She said
    via u/SpiritedDog7126
  • 12
    20-5-100 70
    via olia danilevich from Pexels / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 13
    she wants more time with my kids and to bond with them and for her child to bond with them. I told her I don't care about her wants and she needs to leave it alone.
    via u/SpiritedDog7126
  • 14
    My ex doesn't get involved. My lawyer knows everything and we did mention ex's wife contacting me when we last saw the judge but due to my ex's already limited parenting time the court won't do anything more. So I don't have a lot of options available to me. I just wonder now if I was wrong to be dismissive and say I don't care about her wants. Whether that's just a way to add conflict.
    via u/SpiritedDog7126
  • 15
    ClaimBackground... • 19h ago NTA honestly she's overstepping big time
    via u/ClaimBackground8381
  • 16
    keesouth • 18h ago NTA it's very weird that she cares about this more than their dad does. He's the the one you should be co- parenting with not her. You were absolutely right when telling her that you don't care what she wants.
    via u/keesouth
  • 17
    Cute-Profession9... • 18h ago NTA and good for you not forcing this woman onto your kids (and as far as she's concerned, future unpaid babysitters). Dad is doing everything he can to make sure he's estranged from his kids, huh...
    via u/Cute-Profession9983
  • 18
    Rivermorag13 18h ago. NTA at all.. she shouldn't have any say in the arrangement what so ever. Id be tempted to try mediate with your ex husband and make it clear that it's not what the children want and if it continues you need to
    via u/Rivermorag13
  • 19
    revisit the agreement because she's making them uncomfortable. (if possible)
    via u/Rivermorag13
  • 20
    knintn 18h ago . NTA she just wants your kids there as babysitters or cleaners.
    via u/knintn
  • 21
    Final_Figure 7... NTA • 18h ago It's clear your Ex doesn't care, and like you said, who even cares what his new wife wants.
    via u/Final_Figure_7150
  • 22
    Info - Does she involve your kids in this at all? As in, does she try to manipulate them to talk to you on her behalf or tell them they should be there 50/50 because, reasons? Document it all if she does.
    via u/Final_Figure_7150
  • 23
    Cheezburger Image 10480916736
    via fizkes from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 24
    verybadkris 10h ago NTA. Your ex's wife is way out of line. She's not their mom, and she doesn't get to dictate custody arrangements, especially when your ex isn't even around enough to make 50/50 feasible. Your kids'
    via u/verybadkris
  • 25
    comfort and stability come first, and it's clear they don't feel at ease with her. You're not being dismissive, you're protecting your kids from someone who's overstepping boundaries. She needs to back off and respect the court-ordered arrangement. You're doing the right thing by standing your ground.
    via u/verybadkris
  • 26
    Suitable_Doubt73... • 18h ago Keep a list of how often she is harassing you. Reply back that she needs to stop harassing you or you will have to get a restraining order. She is realizing how hard life is without her husband all the time. She wants your children to help her out.
    via u/Suitable_Doubt7359
  • 27
    madpeachiepie • 18h ago Does your ex pay a lot of child support? Because I'm guessing she's buckin' for custody. Your ex is a sh father, and she's about to find out. NTA
    via u/madpeachiepie

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